I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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