he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
