I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
