u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
