someone threw a dead crab at me
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
