Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
