there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Four minutes until I can fart!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
