even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
