Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
