Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
