I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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