she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
