she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
