I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
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