stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
