stop calling my apartment porn island.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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