its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
