I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
