just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
