I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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