another moral hangover. fuck.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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