The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
