Will you blow on my dice?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
