my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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