just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
