he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
