respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
