my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
