You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
