Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
