so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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