the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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