Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
now i know why i became what i already was.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
