Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
