honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The beer is more important than you right now.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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