You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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