oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
