Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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