she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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