I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
