how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
