I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
