So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
