I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
