so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
