Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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