i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
