there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
