we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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