i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
